Life throws us many curve balls, most of the time we cope; we duck, we dive, we catch and sometimes we get hit  but as a mother life is unrelenting: Our babies are born, we are overwhelmed with joy, anticipation and trepidation particularly for the first baby – thereafter we at least know to what to expect.

We eagerly await each mile stone, the first smile, oh how I remember that one. The first tooth, the first step, each new taste, the first tantrum, first day of school, the first argument with your partner/husband over the children, the first day of high school – the list is endless. Finally they become an adult and you are relieved they have made it; with or without your  partner/husband – and then this is when it gets harder, because they make their own decisions and are responsible for themselves and they tend not to listen to you anymore – so theoretically its their own fault, except now they blame “The mother”  – she was too hard or too soft.

The adult child has developed their own set of values and these may differ from yours and their siblings – now as a mother you take a back seat and watch your adult child’s life unfold, each joy, each error, each job, each love and broken love; your role is to provide unconditional love and be supportive. I don’t know who thought of that stupid idea, totally unrealistic.

The trouble is ‘mother knows best’ and it is very hard to keep your mouth shut and not say what you are thinking particularly when you know you are right. It really is a conundrum because it is your right not theirs. The trick is knowing when too and when not too say anything – and sometimes there is never a right time too say anything: Your heart just bleeds and sometimes it hemorrhages for the mistakes you see them make. You as a mother have to learn how to stop that hemorrhage so that you can manage your own life. That is difficult to do, particularly when you have a partner with a different set of values.

There is much truth in the old saying ‘mother knows best’ –  no matter how much we don’t like it – as much as I hate to admit it, there were times my mother was correct – and many times she was wrong; but she was right on issues of the heart. If we spent less time arguing with our mothers and listened we might find ourselves in a better place. By the time I learned that my mother only did the best she knew how and did it out of love, it was too late she had died. What this taught me was that a mothers job is unrelenting – you second guess decisions you have made when your children make mistakes – but you know they have to make those mistakes to learn and grow, just as I did – and if they keep making the same mistakes they are slow learners or just plain stubborn – but it is their lesson to learn and you as a mother just pick up the pieces – easier said than done:

I wonder if sometimes its best not to know – then how connected would we be?